Talent for Living



Talent
noun
1. natural ability to do something well

-for-

Living
intransitive verb
1. to continue to be alive

Woah just went back to bed and had an awful dream

In my dream I was at my aunts but then somehow I was so distraught I think or somethin over all of this Boston shit and so I really just wanted to get drunk but like it wasnt a conscious thought. Anyway next part of the dream I wake up at my aunts but I had a dream in my dream that I had woken up in some random lady’s apt in Allston where she had taken me in after I was too drunk or something and got hurt and couldn’t go home. I was really sad because I could not remember a single fucking thing from that night and was ashamed at how drunk I got and then my aunt came in my room and was doing yoga and we were talkin and she was like are you kidding you don’t remember last night? Well you called me really frantic and kept asking me to come get you and help you in Allston because you had fallen on your head but I couldn’t make it there. You were in a Czech part of town. And then it made sense to me bc the lady I woke up to had a Czech accent. But it didnt make any sense to me at the same time bc the mbta was shut down for the boston thig so i didnt understand how i had gotten to allston and BY MYSELF??i know i had also wanted to rant and yell at this one kid i know who is a perv and lives there but never made it to his place before the lady found me and took me in or whatever. Then I felt really sad about the whole not remembering thing and that I was alone during this. Then my aunt was having friends over and I went out of my room for some reason but my aunt all the suddenly had a ferret and it started to follow me as a left the room but it was freaking me out and grew into this fucking creepy monkey thing and I don’t like monkeys so I ran to my room and slammed the door. Then my friend Scott showed up for some reason in my room and I cried and told him why I was upset then all the sudden I walked into this random kid’s (who I have only met twice) apartment and he was clearly having a family an close friend gathering with food for the whole Boston scare but I walked in anyway barefoot and in a black tee and some like tribal print pajama pants with my hair down and looking really sad and lost and I just went and sat on a couch alone and sighed and that’s all I remember also my aunt was yelling at me when I was running away from the ferret and she was like see I hate this animal inferiority complex!! An I was like idgaf this shits creepy and also I was just trying so desperately to figure out what I had done that night and would not stop trying. And I had videos on my phone of filming kids back in my old HS practicing hip hop routines in a dance room?? But it was freaky to me bc their reflections in the dance room mirror wall did not match what they were doing irl and woah wtf that dream was weird and I had a dream within that dream and I think even a dream within THAT dream. That’s a first ahh

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Inside of my head

There exists more to this life

Than I even want

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sometimes claiming that something exists by nature is a way of avoiding or refusing to take the responsibility to make changes

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It’s funny how “being human” is used as an explanation to back some of our mistakes, faults, and wrongdoings, but is almost never used to explain some of our most beautiful actions. 

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Whenever I’m feeling happy, I sort of, in a twisted way, make sure I remember some of the times I was most recently unhappy. It’s not that I want to ruin the pleasure of the moment, it’s just that I fear losing sight of my, what I imagine to be, more “real” outlook or thoughts on life, if I allow the happiness, which to me feels less that real, consume me. No I don’t want to be unhappy, I would simply rather work my way up from the bottom than constantly find myself falling down from some temporary peak. I don’t want to ride the happiness roller coaster, I want to climb the happiness mountain where there’s an olympus waiting for me at the top. 

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→ Probably nobody will read this but it's a pretty interesting article I looked up about languages in relation to thought

Did you know some languages don’t use egocentric directions, only geographic? 

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i can’t tell which feelings are truer

when I’m happy or when I’m not

i definitely know the answer pero no me gusta lol

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one time i had a dream where i was on this highway heading from like jersey back home and i was drivin a nice car alone and it was super late at night. so i saw this big directional sign above that said “New Brunswick” and so i was like okay cool that means im heading north in the right direction k.

but then i got to this like toll thing and i couldnt figure out how to pay and was confused. so i got out of the car cuz the highway really wasnt busy at all, in fact it was empty cept for maybe a few cars every now and then on the opposite side.

so i was standin there trying to figure out how to pay when this man in a police uniform stepped out from the side, from like near the guardrail or whatever and i was like “omg (jogging towards him) so glad you’re here i cannot figure this toll out!”

and he was sort of silent and just like “aha” and he started walking with me back towards the toll and my car and then i stopped and turned towards him and said “wait, are you even a cop”

and he replied

"No."

and then i basically just knew i was going to get raped/killed and had to run

but fucking hell i woke up thank god that was probably the fucking scariest dream i ever had

and then tonight i was driving home from my friends house but its a long drive on all these long farm highway type roads with zero street lights and i started getting scared that, what if a cop pulled me over on this road? like i would totally just keep driving until i got to a place with light/stores

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"People always say how you should be yourself, like ‘yourself’ is this definite thing, like a toaster or something."
— Angela Chase - My So Called Life
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almost nothing in life is ever as good as you imagine it to be

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sometimes i feel selfish because i don’t want to share my time

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Which do you believe to be truer?

Things you say when you’re angry, or things you say when you’re very happy/content?

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I think one of the worst things we can do is compare ourselves to other people. I’ve realized this is actually very debilitating when it comes to self-esteem and your social life. As instinctive as it is, I think we need to fight the urge to line ourselves up next to someone else and go down the list of similarities and differences. It can be a real weakness and almost always hurts your level of confidence. Gonna go cliche on ya but honestly, just think about who you are and focus on that!

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do you ever go to bed but you cant sleep cuz you’re excited for breakfast

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