i wanna lose weight and tbh i kinda hate how, well ok there’s like the whole idea of totally accepting yourself as you are and beyond that actually loving yourself and simply seeing everyone despite size and whatnot as beautiful and yES THATS GREAT IT RLY IS AND SHOULD BE ALWAYS
i then literally feel insecure when i want to just lose weight because its like this
"man i gotta lose weight/get in shape!"
"OMG Shut up you are not fat you look great! stop it"
AND ITS LIKE COOL NOW I FEEL SHALLOW OR WRONG FOR WANTING TO GET MY BODY TO THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE
idk its a weird conflicting thing! like one should never feel ashamed of wanting to lose weight! but i usually do because its not like I’m really heavy or completely out of shape so for someone my size, someone who is not necessarily super slender OR quite heavy, theres this strange complex of feeling like you will get pegged as superficial or having an ED or something simply because you desire to change your body!
i never say really that “i want to lose weight” out loud for this reason, instead I’ve always said something like “i need to get into shape!” or “id like to be healthier!” but really goddammit i just want to lose some weight, be able to fit into some smaller sizes, and just feel better about myself in general! AND IM SICK OF FEELING GUILTY ABOUT THOSE DESIRES
Do you ever wonder whose dreams you’re in?? Like last night some random girl from my middle school was in my dream and I’m jst like wtf I wonder if I’m ever in someone’s dream as a rly random person lol
one time my manager at work was like changing over some item picture cards and was like ooh that model is naht very pretty lol
stfu i hate when people say people are ugly or pretty like get the fuck out who are you to make a judgement which should not be made in the first place
i wanna go to central saint martins i wanna do something i like i wanna have fun i wanna travel i don’t wanna do what im doing rn rly i wanna do art stuff i wanna do stuff i enjoy doing :(